Dating Normies And The Cultural Bond Of Addiction

dictIn checking the Urban Dictionary and several other resources, I found a few different definitions of the word ‘normie’. First, a normie, was described as a normal person- one who does not have a mental illness such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, mood disorders, PTSD, depression or something similar. Normie was also said to be a term differentiating addicts (who use drugs as medicine) and normies, (who use drugs for fun). In the addiction arenas I travel in, a normie is simply someone who is not an addict, and not in recovery, least we forget that the majority of us can consume in moderation and are able to balance libations and life.

12 steppers promote not only a template for recovery, but a fellowship to support you while you are working the steps, and then after. It is a tight-knit group disclosing the intimate details of their lives including their dirty secrets and deeds, and heartfelt passions in an attempt to unite and overcome the affliction they commonly share. The cultural bond is cemented at the meetings, at the sober living homes, at the rehabs, at the outpatient groups, and in the halls of the courts. To say they gravitate toward each other is an understatement.

You can go to the forums yourself and read what addicts say about dating normies, pro and con. From what I see, the community of recovery and relapse the larger percentage does not date outside it’s group. I could not say, one way or another, which if either, is best. I am guessing that, because of the long and very personal road to recovery these folks share, there becomes a loyalty and an attraction to each other.

movIs a part of moving on, moving on from the recovery community, ultimately? I do not know for sure but I can say there seems to always be some inexplicable gap between the addicts and the normies. Addicts say normies handle problems differently and often do not understand that the recovery program comes first, then the relation ship (even for the chronic relapsers), and then there is the issue of disclosing the addiction or not to, or when to, or ‘why didn’t you tell me this sooner’, and all that. My daughter says normies treat her like either a ‘patient’ or an ‘outcast’ when she discloses her past to them, and all in all they just don’t ‘get it’.

If the 12 step folks are right, the addict is always in recovery, and that means for a life time. Why wouldn’t those in recovery seek out the peers, sponsors and role models of his community? Do you know any normies that date addicts, or vice versa? Your comments are always welcome… comment

July 3, 2015


4 responses to “Dating Normies And The Cultural Bond Of Addiction”

  1. Al-x says:

    It’s whatever I’ve discussed with my sponsor in a 5th step after I’ve done an inventory of my sexual conduct in a 4th step. I personally believe neither God nor love cares if my partner is an addict or not provided they don’t endanger my recovery.

  2. Niki says:

    I’ve Been clean from all mind altering substances for just over 26 months.. but I’ve been in an out of the programs of NA&AA for over a decade. I’ve seen people successfully date “normies” n more unsuccessfully, unless it’s someone who had stood by them through their active addiction. Those seem to last for various reasons…that same loyalty and full disclosure you speak of is there too. However, there’s some things you didn’t mention that can cause the biggest issues between an addict/normie relationship.. and that’s the social life. An addict doesn’t want to go out to bars or out to dinner where everyone at the table is drinking, except them. Its awkward, uncomfortable, and dangerous.Or when they move in together who gets to decide if friends n family can come n bring Booz or whatever. The addict doesnt want to stop their partner from living their normal life & the normie feels bad about endangering their partner. So, thats another really big reason we usually stick to our own. Not to mention, there’s not many places we go on a regular basis to even meet a normie. Its meetings, sober dances, conventions, out to eat together, etc.

  3. Madeleine says:

    The teamwork obtained by having a sober partner is immense. When sobriety and sober activities become ‘life style’ it becomes a family affair and the ritual that becomes second nature.

  4. beth says:

    It is really great when your significant other normie works the steps of Alanon..they find their own wonderful program and have a real understanding of the disease.

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