Loss Is Consequence


consequencesIf you think you need to set up your own logical ‘consequences’ in response to an addict or alcoholics behavior, think again. The natural consequences of their behavior create isolation, grief, loss, and disheartenment. Some have lost husbands and children. Some have lost parents and siblings. Other have lost jobs, cars, apartments, self esteem, and may have subsequent legal and health problems, not to mention the possible loss of friends through overdose death. All of this can, and does happen, without you lifting a finger, (while our losses, as family members of addicts or alcoholics, are usually limited to financial and emotional loss which I am in no way minimizing, mind you). Families, you must definitely set your boundaries to keep yourself safe, but you hardly need to create more ways to further penalize your addict or alcoholic loved one above and beyond what they have already lost and suffered. And that goes for the facilities as well…mean spirited rules under the guise of ‘tough love’ is of no value, and may serve to further alienate the client from treatment, and cause new resentments.

One of my pet peeves is when a facility confiscates a woman’s fix upmake-up upon her entering treatment, deeming it a part of the ‘loving yourself as you are’ process. Some of these women have come from the streets where personal grooming was hard to accomplish (and much needed), and from drug runs that left the skin broken out and rather deplorable looking. The last thing they need is to have their self esteem completely shattered by being made to walk around with a blemished face while detoxing and going through the first painful stages of sobriety/recovery. Personally, I feel that ‘fixing yourself up’ with hair, make up, and wardrobe, is a positive habit and complimentary to getting out of a funk, and you can be sure most every addict or alcoholic that comes to rehab, is in a funk.

Healing is subjective and individual, and an ongoing process. I don’t find learning to love yourself with zits, to be that productive. There are other more pressing ‘lessons’ to be learned. Examine your tactics and examine your motives, and also the attitudes and philosophies of the rehab you send your kid or husband to, when it comes to dealing with addiction/recovery. If you find yourself with a lack of compassion and feeling punitive, you might want to lesson some of your own personal baggage. You have been through a lot, and I know this is easy for me to say, but, let go of the past. Hanging on keeps you in a cycle of despair. Come on, you can do it. Let go.

July 13, 2015


One response to “Loss Is Consequence”

  1. Patsy says:

    Drugs and alcohol are not the only addictions producing loss.

    Relationship addiction can be as addictive and punitive upon ones self in the end.14

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